28 March

-We have monthly potlucks at work.  I used to do a calendar of events as well.  Today I learned that some people really liked that so I'll start doing it again.
-I really enjoy ice cream.  Like to an unhealthy degree.
-Bug is the perfect dog for me.  She's cuddly and low energy.  It's also nice to have something that needs my care and has the same level of anxiety as me.

27 March

-I rewatch shows to an absurd degree.  I have probably watched Scrubs all the way through (save for the season that shall not be spoken of) 20 times.
-I shed a lot.  There is hair all over the place in my apartment.  I don't even want to think about what underneath my bed will look like when I move out.
-I have a scar on my middle finger from taking a dive while very drunk at a rugby social.  I love that scar.  It reminds me of very different times.

26 March

-I did a usability study at Google today.  Their offices are gorgeous.
-Environment affects performance.  When you are in a space that welcomes you, you produce better results.
-I'm not that interesting when I'm talking about myself.  If I'm talking about someone else's work (movies, podcasts, etc.), I can be engaging.  When it's just me, I'm kind of boring.

25 March

-I'm going to grad school in the fall.
-I know that it's the right choice for me.
-I'm not 100% sure why I'm doing it.

Community of One

Yesterday was an odd experience.  After much internal debating, I got up the energy to go on a MeetUp micro-hike around the UW campus to see the cherry blossoms.  I ended up convincing myself with the argument that I need to get to know the UW campus better before I start in the fall.  Given that this is Seattle, traffic was ridiculous so I was 10 minutes late.  Given that I don't have a smart phone, I was unable to reach anyone in the group to find out where they were.  I still walked around to see (and smell) the cherry blossoms.  It was gorgeous!  I love that I live in a city where thousands of people come out just to see trees.

There were hundreds of little outings and impromptu family portraits happening.  It felt both unifying to be in this same fleeting moment with so many others and yet intensely lonely.  Everywhere I looked were reminders of what I lack. I don't have a family or group of close knit friends to go wandering around with.  I don't have anyone I would refer to as my significant other.  I feel accomplished in a few metrics but am missing out on fundamental human experiences.

I'm proud of myself for getting out and trying even if I failed this time around.  In a way, I'm glad that I missed the group.  If I had been with that group of people, poor Bug would have suffered.  Around 6pm last night, the fire alarm went off.  She would have had to suffer through 30 minutes of very loud noise and I'm sure I would have come home to some new type of mess.  The fire alarm made me realize just how many people I share my space with.  Hundreds of dogs and babies.  Young professionals and retired seniors.  I also realized how monochromatic the population of my building is.  I got to talk with some of the friendlier dog owners while we were milling about.  Bug was still a jerk to the dogs but after a while she realized that no matter how much she yelled, she was not going to be left alone.